Lessons learned in 20 months

So, Alia and I have been married for 20 months, give or take a few hundred thousand seconds. And, sometimes I feel like that is a lot. Then, I realized if an elephant got knocked up on our wedding night, it wouldn't have even given birth yet.

Mrs. Elle Phant at Lamaze class (breathe in through the trunk)

I guess visuals like that give me perspective on just how short our time together in holy matrimonial bliss has been. However, 20 months has been plenty of time to be productive. I have learned all sorts of things I would have never known had I not married my sweetheart. So, to honor this arbitrary milestone, here is an arbitrary list of things I've learned in marriage.

Never say "fine"--Fine is barely sufficient, fine is passable. When Alia asks how she looks, she doesn't want to hear "fine". "Glorious" or "Ravishing" is preferred, but "fine" is like the toothbrush treat on Halloween of compliments; yeah, it's something, but nobody wants it.

It doesn't matter who made the mess-- Pretty self-explanatory. I have found that I can't earn brownie points by showing how much of the mess was hers--still have to clean it up, and lickity-split at that.

Say "Yes" to the dress (and the receipts)-- If my baby wants new cloths, she can get new cloths, dangit, and I can't cringe when the check-out numbers get higher than Cheech and Chong.

If you start a TV show on Netflix, be prepared to suspend all other needs/desires-- Sometimes, I'll be sitting there and mention that we should try this show or that. It's hard sometimes to convince Alia to try some of them, but then next thing you know, you've seen all 6 seasons (and a movie!) in two days. So, hopefully this happens on a Friday so I don't miss work.

Don't Bait Alia with Surprises-- Ok, I love anticipation. It probably derives from my parents over-doing peak-a-boo games with me as a child, but either way, I like surprises. Alia, on the other hand, HATES surprises that you tell her about before. Por ejemplo, if I go up to her and say "Alia, I just got something super cool for your birthday", she will put me in a chokehold or tickle me until I pass out if I don't tell her exactly what I got and when it is coming. This has just led me to be more creative in my surprises, or doing a bait'n'switch and pretend I got her something super-lame when in actuality it is mind-blowingly awesome (Though some people think blenders or bread-machines are lame). I know my baby, and though it's fun to torture her with suspense, I've been trying to just blindside her with gifts instead.

My Wife is Super Cool-- This is pretty obvious, but 20 months of marriage has just confirmed the fact that I got lucky and married a sweet, wonderful, beautiful, talented, cuddly girl. I know sometimes she feels icky-picky from food allergies and the like, and she describes herself as some sea-monster, but that couldn't be further from the truth. You are always the most beautiful girl in the world, Lee, and I'm glad I married you :-)

Did She Say "Steampunk"?

"Steampunk?" asks the average person over 40, "Maybe she said 'punk rock' or 'steamtown' or 'Stephen'..."

The time has come, I feel, for some classification/clarification on the subject of the various "punk" cultures that are relevant to our day and age. Okay, perhaps their relevance is limited to the appreciation of certain "nerd" subculture...but that is a discussion for another day. I'm doing you a favor really; not knowing about steampunk makes you, in the words of Rainn Wilson,  #Officially Old.

What the heck is Steampunk? Ah, see, that's kind of the problem. Its a bit hard to explain. Its a genre of science fiction and fantasy, its a fashion movement, it celebrates Victoriana and is anti-technology, yet it subverts elements of technology by deconstructing and reinventing them. In need of a visual? Here's a steampunk laptop and a steampunk guitar...the concepts of which aren't altogether consistent  with the culture they represent, but they give you an idea of the style.

Some of mainstream culture may joke that Steampunks are simply the matured refugees of the Cyperpunk era. The most obvious difference is the one between Anachronistic and Sci-Fi subcultures. Steampunk lives in the civilized and decadent past, while the Cyperpunks prefer a more rugged, crime-infused world of the future. Key word? Robotics. On the other hand, Steam-powered gadgets are vastly different from the electronic toys of the cyperpunk era. For one, aesthetics. Steampunks haul around brass gadgetry that is bulky, obvious, and ornate. Its showy and outlandish. In short, its a subculture of statement pieces given new meaning via science taht has been made obsolete and therefore attractive to those who feel above the current culture. Pretty pretentious, really. Like nerdy hipsters!

Cyberpunks are sleek, chrome, and decked in black and green and glowing blues, with tiny computers and embedded microchips. Wires abound and, yes, these glorified hackers keep from electrocuting themselves. And is it just me or do cyberpunks seem to get a lot of time running about grimy and rain-slicked city streets (that might look something like this:)

...getting into motorcycle chases despite the general sedentary nature of the hacker lifestyle? Also the internet is everywhere and is the answer to everything. Lastly, robots infiltrate and are part of everything, even, often, human anatomy.

And lets not forget the power of visual learning. For an intro to the Cyberpunk world, just watch  The Matrix or  Blade Runner. Curious about Steampunks? Think of things like Castle in the Sky or Van Helsing.

That's all I have by way of a brief introduction. If you aren't a nerd and don't much know why you even finished this post, well, my apologies. If you are a nerd, you'll understand me when I say that for now, I'm just waiting for science to develop the hologram-projecting headgear that'll plug me into the interactive mainframe of Internet 2.0, and let me zip back (or sideways, or whichever direction) in time to a place where I can lug around a steam-powered jet-pack and wear knee-high leather boots, a silk Victorian-style bodice, a mini top hat and over-sized airplane goggles.

Alia