Lessons learned in 20 months

So, Alia and I have been married for 20 months, give or take a few hundred thousand seconds. And, sometimes I feel like that is a lot. Then, I realized if an elephant got knocked up on our wedding night, it wouldn't have even given birth yet.

Mrs. Elle Phant at Lamaze class (breathe in through the trunk)

I guess visuals like that give me perspective on just how short our time together in holy matrimonial bliss has been. However, 20 months has been plenty of time to be productive. I have learned all sorts of things I would have never known had I not married my sweetheart. So, to honor this arbitrary milestone, here is an arbitrary list of things I've learned in marriage.

Never say "fine"--Fine is barely sufficient, fine is passable. When Alia asks how she looks, she doesn't want to hear "fine". "Glorious" or "Ravishing" is preferred, but "fine" is like the toothbrush treat on Halloween of compliments; yeah, it's something, but nobody wants it.

It doesn't matter who made the mess-- Pretty self-explanatory. I have found that I can't earn brownie points by showing how much of the mess was hers--still have to clean it up, and lickity-split at that.

Say "Yes" to the dress (and the receipts)-- If my baby wants new cloths, she can get new cloths, dangit, and I can't cringe when the check-out numbers get higher than Cheech and Chong.

If you start a TV show on Netflix, be prepared to suspend all other needs/desires-- Sometimes, I'll be sitting there and mention that we should try this show or that. It's hard sometimes to convince Alia to try some of them, but then next thing you know, you've seen all 6 seasons (and a movie!) in two days. So, hopefully this happens on a Friday so I don't miss work.

Don't Bait Alia with Surprises-- Ok, I love anticipation. It probably derives from my parents over-doing peak-a-boo games with me as a child, but either way, I like surprises. Alia, on the other hand, HATES surprises that you tell her about before. Por ejemplo, if I go up to her and say "Alia, I just got something super cool for your birthday", she will put me in a chokehold or tickle me until I pass out if I don't tell her exactly what I got and when it is coming. This has just led me to be more creative in my surprises, or doing a bait'n'switch and pretend I got her something super-lame when in actuality it is mind-blowingly awesome (Though some people think blenders or bread-machines are lame). I know my baby, and though it's fun to torture her with suspense, I've been trying to just blindside her with gifts instead.

My Wife is Super Cool-- This is pretty obvious, but 20 months of marriage has just confirmed the fact that I got lucky and married a sweet, wonderful, beautiful, talented, cuddly girl. I know sometimes she feels icky-picky from food allergies and the like, and she describes herself as some sea-monster, but that couldn't be further from the truth. You are always the most beautiful girl in the world, Lee, and I'm glad I married you :-)