Get Me to the Church on Time: What does "Yes" mean?

I'd be lying if I said the the shock of being married has abated. Every once and a while, Alex and I look at each other and know precisely what the other is thinking. Sometimes we don't say anything, but sometimes one of us vocalizes: "Holy crap we're married". We laugh, but inside we still haven't succumbed to purported monotony of married life. Okay, it's only been a couple months, but, for me at least, its hard to remember what it was like when we weren't married. To be honest, I try to block the whole dating scene out of my memory. I may have learned a lot, but sometimes in needlessly (no really, I was stupid) painful ways. Oh, dating...the laughter, the tears, the intrigue, the betrayal, the infamous fake-smile, the money not spent on dinners, the politics, the juggling act. SO not something I miss. But what did it mean to finally say "Yes" (we can all hold off on our comments concerning the word "finally"...I know how old I am every bit as much as you do). Yes. Three little letters. One short word. Of course it implies simple affirmation--nothing nebulous about it. But what does it mean, really, in the matrimonial sense? The decision to marry by two people who love each other is a larger than life decision, one that has the potential to outlive a mortgage. Celebrating a 25th wedding anniversary is not the same as making the final payment on a 25-year mortgage.

Yes means you’re willing to take your spouse to your most private world so that it can be enriched and made brighter with two lights instead of one.

Yes means playing blind to your spouse’s imperfections – be they physical or psychological – because imperfections remind us that the gifts from above are not perfect. They come to us as raw materials and it is up to us to refine and polish them.

Yes means the willingness to bring other human beings into this world, to give them a home and to tend to their needs, giving them the love and affection...at a much, much later date (bring them into the world at a later date, not hold off on showing affection until they're old).

Yes means arguing constructively and engaging in diplomatic...banter. There is no contradiction here. Argument can be healthy exercise, the process leads us to more knowledge and to a more enhanced realization of the situation, so long as we are really honest, and really willing to empathize. But fighting has to be carried out diplomatically. It takes a massive dose of openness to master it. And by that I mean, so long as the conclusive phrase "You're right Alia, I didn't mean to suggest that you were wrong" is included, we can diplomatically overcome any disagreement. Though, truly, I can't think of anything we've argued over. Now, I'm not so naive as to suppose it will never happen, but I know that Alex is a big enough person to handle things in a calculative and sensitive way.

Yes means sharing the other spouse’s frustrations and celebrating successes, confident in the belief that were it not for the other, their personal joys and success would be impossible.

Yes means exciting plans and projects for the future: a second home, fulfilling hobbies, travel to distant lands and taking on roles to expand horizons.

Finally, Yes means “I can.” I can make my spouse happy, I can ignore the pettiness of marriage, I can open up my feelings knowing I won’t be judged, and I can share what I have. Will you be able to rekindle the spark? Yes. Will you be able to offer the olive branch in spite of a horrendous quarrel? Yes. Will you be able to weather adversity with an extraordinary amount of calmness so you can think of solutions intelligently and not emotionally? Of course, I can.

...right? Oh, erm, Yes.

I'm not sure why or how we fall in love. I'm not sure why anyone would want to take me, quirks and all, and deal with me forever. As Albert Einstein said, "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love".
So how does it happen? I'm not looking for a biological explanation, here. I'm not of the opinion that Love is a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. No one knows....that's we we're careful about it. You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the slow-motion running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later, when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. And I don't believe in soul mates, really. That would require two perfect people. No one is perfect, but Alex says I'm perfect for him. And so long as we're trying to be the best we can be, that's all that really matters in the long run, right?

Yes.

So thanks Alex. I love you. I'm glad I said Yes.

Alia